I Lift My Hands

It never ceases to amaze me how often God speaks to me through music, how much it washes over the deepest part of me and brings truth and awareness, peace or conviction.

As I was driving home last night, with a mind reflecting and analyzing and praying, I heard a snippet of a sermon about Habakkuk. What struck me was that Habakkuk was in the midst of a difficult situation and this is what he did - He paused to remember all of the ways God had worked before. He paused to reflect on the character of God that does not change. The result? He saw the faithfulness of God throughout the past, He knew without a shadow of a doubt that God is who He says He is . . . always. And Habakkuk could only respond with praise and awe and trust.

For whatever reason, I didn't sleep well last night and found myself awake thinking, wanting answers and praying a lot . . .

This morning as I was driving to school early I heard this song, "I Lift My Hands,"
http://musicremedy.com/c/chris-tomlin/videos/i-lift-my-hands-53252.html?amp
calling me to be still and to remember the faithfulness and character of God: "As I pour out my heart, these things I remember, you are faithful God forever . . ."

And I am overwhelmed by the things that God has used in my life to display His faithfulness and unchanging character . . . So I lift my hands to the faithful God forever.

• A tree planted beside a stream at the corner of an orphanage in Ecuador
• Singleness that continues to reveal more of God's grace and redemption in my life
• Relationships with my siblings that rival the deepest friendships
• Jackson, Mississippi
• The rain falling around me as I sit beneath the shelter of a picnic table on a quiet, empty college campus
• A cup of coffee with or without conversation
• Nephews and niece who shower me with hugs and kisses and questions and always want to know when I'm coming back
• Small steps and three months in another country to reveal the passion of nursing
• Parents who don't mind if I call every night and also don't mind if I don't
• A flat tire, a car that won't start, an oil change that turned into much more expense
• A sophomore year of college . . . and a different junior year
• Washing dishes at a cabin sink and the swim that follows
• The absolute expanse of a jungle sky
• The book of Isaiah
• Not having direction or answers, but having to wait and learning to live in the waiting

Just a few, and many more left unspoken or unrealized. All the same, might I not forget today the faithfulness of God and may my response be praise and awe and trust.

Significance and Satisfaction

So, I didn't want to go to Bible study on Thursday ... and then I got there and saw the topic "Am I Alone?" and I wanted to run in the other direction.

Because I really didn't want anything else to tell me that I'm not alone, I'm never alone. I know that the Bible tells me that I am never alone, that God is with me, that, in fact, the Holy Spirit dwells in me - how could I ever be alone? And so I struggle with why I feel so alone all the time...

I don't understand the concept that God dwells in me ... I can't fathom what that means ... I often don't feel the comfort that should bring. But God is so concerned with fellowship and oneness. His whole nature speaks to community and being one. His design for marriage and family follows it. His desire for intimacy with man mirrors that covenantal relationship.

And scripture speaks strongly about that relationship and everything that we do to keep us from oneness and fellowship... we prostitute and whore ourselves away from God. That's shocking - or it should be. We do everything that we can to find our significance and our satisfaction in anything besides the living God, the one who dwells in us.

So, this is what I have been broken by at Bible study this week ... God has given us a holy desire or hunger for significance that is beautiful and wonderful when it is satisfied within the covenant relationship ... but what does God think when we say, "You're not enough for me? I'm going to find something else to satisfy ..."  This hunger to be significant can destroy us.

There is nothing or no one that can truly satisfy or bring significance apart from Christ, but I look to so many places and people and things to bring comfort, to bring worth. How that must break the heart of my Father. How that must sever the intimacy that I am so longing for and crying out for in my life.

And yet, here's the honesty . . . I don't know what to do with the fact that oftentimes these days, when I come to Christ, even when I spend hours in His presence, I still leave feeling so broken and alone - at peace and comforted, but . . . somehow unsatisfied.

And does the desire for relationship somehow become a search to be satisfied and significant?

Oh, that I might be satisfied in Christ alone and find my significance from the simple, and yet so complex fact that I am His child and He dwells in me.