Sunday, May 22, 2011
Pausing Time
There are times when I am so overwhelmed by the grace and goodness of God that I have to stop and pause time to take it all in. Recently it happened as I was sitting watching a Tulip Festival parade with a snuggling little girl. All around me were the happy and healthy nephews and niece that I love more than I can express, and I stopped to marvel that I get to love each one. There are times when I miss not having my own children, but I am so grateful for the grace and goodness of God . . . what a gift to love these children.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I Get Tired
I get tired of answering the same questions with the same answers. These days it's all about the future. And my answer is the same - I don't know what I'm doing yet. I can tell you what I am doing in June. That's as far as I see right now. And I'm grateful to be able to see that far, because I'm not usually a person that has answers "dropped" in their lap...but this teaching thing sort of dropped in my lap. So, I'm grateful to be that person this time. I'm okay with only being able to see June. I wish other people were.
And then there's always the staple. Aren't you dating yet? (Or the similarly standard, Are you married? Do you have kids?) And the same answer - NO! But it's the follow up comments/questions that irritate you and replay in your head all day long!
You must be picky. NO. You have too high of standards. NO. You're getting older, you can't pick and choose. NO. You're pretty and smart, how come you're not dating? Ummm, thanks? You know you better get married soon if you want to have kids. Ummm, DUH.
People are really just insensitive, sometimes they don't have a clue. But other times, it's me who's too sensitive... Really most of the time it's my issue. I mean, seriously, other people can't possible know the times when every conversation about children or marriage or relationships makes me sad or feel alone. Maybe it's just that voice in my heart that keeps saying, "What's wrong with you?" that makes the tone of the voice or the look on the face irritating and annoying and unkind.
So tonight, for whatever reason, I'm irritable and annoyed and trying to convince the voice in my heart that there's nothing wrong with me...
And then there's always the staple. Aren't you dating yet? (Or the similarly standard, Are you married? Do you have kids?) And the same answer - NO! But it's the follow up comments/questions that irritate you and replay in your head all day long!
You must be picky. NO. You have too high of standards. NO. You're getting older, you can't pick and choose. NO. You're pretty and smart, how come you're not dating? Ummm, thanks? You know you better get married soon if you want to have kids. Ummm, DUH.
People are really just insensitive, sometimes they don't have a clue. But other times, it's me who's too sensitive... Really most of the time it's my issue. I mean, seriously, other people can't possible know the times when every conversation about children or marriage or relationships makes me sad or feel alone. Maybe it's just that voice in my heart that keeps saying, "What's wrong with you?" that makes the tone of the voice or the look on the face irritating and annoying and unkind.
So tonight, for whatever reason, I'm irritable and annoyed and trying to convince the voice in my heart that there's nothing wrong with me...
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