Jackson

So Jackson . . .

For the past 4 years now, I have spent Spring Break in Jackson Mississippi. Each year, I find myself more challenged and encouraged when I am there. And I see God working and moving and teaching in ways that oftentimes aren't visible to me when I am in Omaha. So I wanted to share the start of some of those musings. I think that there could be some bigger things that come from it all, but right now I'm here . . .

Reconciliation/Community
Perhaps one of the greatest concepts in Scripture is the concept of reconciliation. Reconciliation with God first of all, but, secondly reconiliation with each other. We talked a lot about relational reconciliation this week. Pastor Nettie talked about how relational reconciliation doesn't occur without intention, quality time and honesty. As I think about how that looks in my life, I know that I struggle with most of that, if not all of it. With the hurt and disappointment of relationships in my life (not just romantic), I find it harder to be intentional, knowing that there might be hurt and disappoinment and frustration. With school, time is an issue. And honesty doesn't come all that easily because of how much I try to protect myself. I know that life will be different after school is done, but life needs to look different for me. If I am single for the rest of my life, how does that reconciliation look? Where do those relationships come from? I don't want to do life without that relational reconciliation. And if God continues to call me to work in the secular world, how do I have a foundation of Christian community that allows me to be in the world, but not of it?

Long-suffering
I was struck by a conversation that occurred with Lee Harper, founder of a coffee shop that has become a center for reconciliation and change in a neighborhood that struggles with poverty and crime and disengagement. She talked about the expectation that we have that life should be easy. But the Bible doesn't tell us that. It tells us that the fruit of the Spirit includes long-suffering (patience). It tells us to love each other with long-suffering. It does not say that life is easy or that it should be but that we should rejoice in sharing in the sufferings of Christ. I think that I too easily get into the mindset that I must be doing something wrong if life isn't easy. But what if Christ has really called me instead to walk in the pain, so that His power might be displayed in my weakness. I don't suffer in my life, really. But there are difficult things . . . So how am I going to respond if life continues to be hard. If pain continues to be a part of my mantra? Oh that His power might be displayed through that and I might rejoice in long-suffering for however long He asks.

Hope/Expectation
So, I'm afraid. In a lot of ways, fear might be the overarching result of this week. Why? Perhaps because there is a flicker of hope and of expectation. . . will there finally be community, relationship, reconciliation in my life? But with that hope and expectation there is fear, because what if it doesn't happen? Am I again lost in the cycle of disappointment? When do you live in hope and expectation and when do you respond to the reality that is around you? How long is too long to wait? I don't want to live without hope, but sometimes reality seems so much stronger . . . Oh how I long to wait well.