Craving

For a long time I have struggled with the part of being single that feels selfish...basically getting to do what I want when I want to and not really having to think much of anyone else. I think about the mothers that I know whose time is not their own and marvel at how selfless they have to be. But I wonder if there isn't also a part of singleness that is teaching me to be less selfish. It is the part of me that wants it to be about me...that longing to be the most important person to someone, for the presence and the conversation that focuses on my day...it is that craving to be significant to just one other.

I think that God is trying to teach me that in order to love like He does, I have to be willing to give more than I get and to love without the expectation of reciprocation. 'Cause it's really never just about me, and it never should be. How I desire that ability to love full out without needing affirmation back or even the knowledge that it was noticed or appreciated. How I long to surrender, everyday, to that selfishness in me that wants to be significant. It is a battle that I lose a lot of days. But on the days where there is victory? What great delight... I rest in the significance I find in His presence, His grace, His love...and I find myself craving more of that kind of selflessness.